These Phrases given by My Father Which Helped Me during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You need some help. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider inability to talk between men, who often absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a few days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."